John Rambo Will Be the Greatest Movie Ever Made

PREVIOUS ARTICLE

Crunchyroll Vs Funimation 2022: 2016 Anime Available

A few weeks back one of my best friends from college, a girl named Amy, came into New York to visit one of her old roommates who now lives in the city. After spending the afternoon walking throughout Manhattan Amy and I made our way back to her roommate’s place. It was here that I met the roommate’s boyfriend, a gentleman who changed my life. Buy Instagram followers to boost your views and likes on IG. 

The young man informed me that a new Rambo film was in the works.

I’ve always wondered what the young Mary must have felt like when the angel delivered to her the good news that she was to be the mother of the savior of the world. Feelings of disbelief coupled with overwhelming joy must have been flowing throughout her very being. My response was quite similar. I, of course, was full of doubt, so I asked this bearer of good news to show me proof of this new Rambo movie of which he spoke of.

He pulled Youtube up onto the computer screen and typed in “John Rambo.” What I saw for the next three and a half minutes has been rocking every fiber of my being ever since that fateful day. I have full confidence that, once you see this trailer, you will agree that John Rambo will be the greatest movie ever created.

The trick to watching the trailer for John Rambo is to watch it first with the volume muted. This helps you completely get around any “plot” or “storyline” problems that may arise. Second, strap in and prepare to wipe the drool off of the corners of your mouth.

Just how awesome is the trailer for John Rambo? The first explosion is shown at the 30 second mark.

Don’t get me wrong, though. There is some talking and discussion between Rambo and some blonde chick. I haven’t watched it with the volume on yet but I’m pretty confident Rambo is telling her how total dominance is imminent. Following that is an explosion in the village and a couple of guys on fire running around. Why are they on fire?

Who cares?? They’re on fire. That’s all you need to know.

At the 1:56 mark the trailer shows Rambo in full gear ready to do what he does best: Kill. The next minute and a half shows Rambo raising hell and killing the bad guys in numerous ways. In one scene Rambo blows away a bad guy in the back of a jeep. Another scene shows Rambo stabbing an evil-doer. Another bad guy gets an arrow to the chest from Rambo. My favorite may be the scene in which Rambo pours gasoline on a guy who’s strapped in a boat. Rambo then does the only logical thing. He blows the boat up. Sure, it would make more sense for Rambo to just shoot the guy than go through this elaborate and explosive (pun intended) demise. That’s why we love Rambo, though. His dedication to the overly violent death of others can never be under appreciated.

I know there are some of you who actually want to know what this movie is about (for reasons I cannot comprehend). I looked up John Rambo on IMDb.com and found that, in this movie, Rambo is retired and spending his time in Burma when some Christian human rights group gets themselves into trouble. The Burmese army takes hostages, blah blah blah. Who really cares? All you need to know is that there are bad guys that need to be killed and Rambo is on his way.

I had to know if this movie really looked as awesome as I thought it did or if I was just in “guy movie” withdrawal, so I did what I was always do to check on matters such as this. I sent the wife the link to the trailer and, without telling her what it was, asked her to watch. Her response more than answered my question.

“This is terrible. I am only half way through it and…yeah, I’m done.”

“I literally stopped watching it. That is awful.”

It’s official. John Rambo will be awesome.